As Mothers Day approaches, those of us with mothers still with us, cherish them and hold them even closer. Those of us whose mothers have transitioned take time to reflect, honor and remember the love personified in the form of a mother. We traveled together, laughed together, talked together, and every night, when I came in from work or wherever, we had glass, or two, of wine together. Even when she was in a rehabilitation center, I came every evening or early morning to lay out what she would wear the next day. I put her hair up on curlers, whenever she determined it was needed, and was able to advocate for her when she needed pain medicine or additional support. Its been almost four years since my best friend, sister, and mother was here with me. I still feel her presence.
My mother was clear, at 90 years old, if she could no longer get dressed, put on her make up and go out, then she pointed upward, saying shed be ready to go. She was consistent. On one of her last visits to the emergency room, I told her that the doctor had not expected her to live and then added that the doctor believed it would be peace out. To which she responded, Well, if its going to be peace out what am I going to wear?
When she was released from the hospital, we had a party. She chastised me for not putting her eyeliner on correctly, and jokingly stuck her tongue out at me when I chastised her for not realizing her breathing level was more important than her outfit and make-up. But she wanted to go her way. Our cousin brought his band to play for us and about twenty good friends, and even one of her doctors attended. Even one of our new best friends, brought their 101-year-old mother. We had a funky good time.
That all took place less than a week before Mommy went into a semi-coma. Even while she was in that state, we were able to invite friends to speak to her by phone, even though she could not respond. Others came over giving love. Phenomenal singers came over to sing to her. Even one of her many unofficial adopted children made it her business to come over and trim her hair, just the way she liked it. Less than a week after that, as her breathing became more labored, family friends gathered around her. Played her favorite music. When she took her last breath, we were with her. I knew Id miss my mother, but I had such joy in my spirit to know that we were there with and for her.
Today, at this very moment, hundreds of parents, grandparents, siblings, family, friends, are alone in their last weeks, days, moments because of a vicious, invisible enemy. My heart is with those of us who are hospitalized without our loved ones, and the unbearable pain of those of us who cant be there to give and show love and advocate on behalf of those we love. Our mental and physical health is being jeopardized by this severe distancing. Yes, we must take this time to stay close to God. But we also have to take this time to find ways to be with our loved ones.
Politicians, administrators, regulating agencies of hospital, nursing homes, rehab and other facilities you must begin to think in creative ways, compassionate ways, spiritual ways to connect the loved with their loved ones. The expression of love is as life sustaining as air. Please find ways, technological if necessary, and even if it means getting PPE paraphernalia for those who want to, need to provide that life sustaining , by any means possible. This is a critical area of care!!
Love and realness,